When No Contact Isn’t Possible: How to Stay Regulated When You Still Have to Interact
Sometimes silence is a luxury. And life doesn’t always allow it.
The advice is everywhere: go no contact, block them, cut the cord. And yes, in many cases, space is essential for healing. But what happens when that space isn’t possible?
What if:
You co-parent a child together
You work in the same place
You share a friend group or community
They are still involved in your life in unavoidable ways
Does that mean you can’t heal? That you’re doomed to stay stuck? No. But it does mean you need to heal differently.
This is about internal distance, not just physical space
Even when you have to interact, you can still reclaim your inner space. You can learn to stay in connection without collapsing into old patterns.
It begins with intention. You’re no longer engaging to please, to seek approval, to fix or to be chosen. You’re interacting because life requires it — but your energy stays with you.
What’s happening in the nervous system?
Every time you see them, your body might react before your mind can catch up. This is normal. It’s stored activation.
Your nervous system still associates that person with intimacy, conflict, danger, longing and the body prepares accordingly: tension, adrenaline, disconnection.
The goal is not to “not feel.”
The goal is to notice what’s happening, and to have tools to bring yourself back.
How to stay regulated when contact is required:
Prepare before the interaction
Don’t walk in blind. Take a few minutes beforehand: breathe, place your hand on your chest or belly, set a clear boundary internally.
Affirm: “I can be in this space and stay in myself.”Keep it brief, clear and neutral
This isn’t the time for emotional processing. Keep communication task-focused. Avoid being pulled into emotional spirals or old dynamics.Pause after contact
Give your system time to recover. Go for a walk. Shake. Cry. Breathe. Notice what got activated and let it move through you, instead of holding it inside.Energetic hygiene
Imagine your energy field closing back after the contact. Take a shower, burn sage, journal.
Tell your body: “That moment is over. I am back in me.”Don’t seek closure through the contact
If you’re hoping they’ll suddenly understand you, apologise or give you what you needed…
It’ll keep you hooked. Let contact be just what it needs to be, functional. Nothing more.
A special note on co-parenting
When you share a child, the stakes feel even higher. You don’t want to project pain into the child’s space, but you also need room to heal.
What helps:
Use a shared parenting app or written communication when possible
Keep adult conflict separate from parenting logistics
Lean into your support system (don’t try to be a superhero)
Be kind to yourself — this is one of the hardest paths to walk
Healing is still possible. Even here.
You don’t need perfect conditions to begin again. You need awareness, regulation and presence. When you can’t cut the thread, you learn how to untangle from the inside.
And sometimes, the people we can’t avoid become our greatest teachers. Not because they love us, but because they show us what still needs healing.
Want to walk this with support?
In The Break-Up Journey (more info here) I work with people in exactly these situations. Where full distance isn’t possible, but healing is still urgently needed.
Over 3 months, we create a personalized path together:
To help your nervous system regulate after contact
To set clear energetic and emotional boundaries
To come back to your centre, even when life keeps placing you in front of what hurt
You don’t have to wait for the situation to change to begin your transformation.
You get to begin now.
