The Myth of “The One” (And What Real Love Is Built On)
Not every connection is meant to become a life. Some are meant to awaken you.
After a powerful or meaningful relationship ends, one question keeps echoing in your mind:
What if they were the one?
What if I lost my soulmate?
What if I let go of something too important?
That doubt is real and it’s understandable. You don’t grieve like this over something meaningless.
And yet, not every deep connection is meant to be built into a life. We often confuse connection with compatibility or chemistry with capacity. And we forget something essential:
Your person is not the one who moves you — it's the one who chooses you.
The difference between connection and relationship
You can feel deep connections with many people throughout your life. When both are open, present, emotionally raw sparks can happen. But that doesn’t mean those sparks can or should become a fire. Because to build a relationship, you need more than intensity.
You need:
Mutual choice
Emotional maturity
Commitment and repair
Shared values and safety
If someone left, didn’t choose you fully or backed away when it got real, then they’re not your person right now. They may have been part of your path, but not your future.
What if it was beautiful, but ended?
Some connections are here to awaken you, not to stay. To shake you, to open your heart, to break old patterns, to push you and that, in itself, is sacred.
But if the relationship has ended - whether it simply stopped working or one of you walked away —
then it means that something wasn’t able to sustain the connection. That’s not failure, it’s life redirecting you.
And the faster you let go of the fantasy that “they were the one,” the sooner you can move through grief and open space for what’s truly aligned with the next version of you.
The confusion of longing & cycles
Right now, your nervous system is activated. Your heart is flooded with memories. Every good moment feels like a sign that you’ve lost the love of your life, but connection isn’t always truth. And staying attached to someone who couldn’t hold you… is another kind of loss.
If the relationship ended, it’s because — no matter how strong the spark — the disconnection was greater than the bond.
What if it was trauma, not love?
Sometimes what keeps us glued to a person isn’t love — it’s trauma: old wounds and childhood patterns. The nervous system recognising something familiar, not necessarily healthy. That’s why trauma bonds feel so intense, so hard to walk away from. But with time, space and healing, clarity comes. Only with distance can you ask:
Was it truly love?
Or was it attachment, anxiety, control?
Was I expanding or surviving?
Healing begins when you accept the ending
This connection had its place: it taught you something, it revealed your capacity for love, for longing, for opening and that itself matters.
But your person, the one who stays, will not leave you questioning everything. They’ll choose you.
And if it’s meant to be with this person again, they will come back, with a different energy, with a new level of clarity and with a choice.
If you're ready to move forward...
The Break-Up Journey (more info here) is a 3-month, 6-session deep dive into healing from the nervous system outwards. It's not about forgetting them - it’s about remembering yourself. Together, we’ll explore your emotional landscape, your relational patterns and the deeper wisdom of this ending. You’ll receive guided support, rituals, meditations and a personalized program to come back to your centre.
Because healing isn’t just about closure.
It’s about initiation.
And this could be the one that brings you back home.
