Keeping the Spark Alive: Desire Beyond the Everyday

Love can feel safe. Desire often doesn’t.

And the more love grows, the more we crave security. But that same security: the routines, the roles, the responsibilities can quietly drain the very fire that brought us together.

You're still in love, you admire each other and you’ve built something beautiful — maybe a family, a home, a life. But somewhere in between bedtime stories, grocery lists and shared calendar the spark got quieter.

It’s not because something’s wrong, it’s because the erotic feeds on space, on mystery, on play and not on predictability.

What happens in long-term love?

In the beginning, desire is fueled by the unknown: the not-yet-claimed, the longing, the imagination...
But over time, we replace curiosity with certainty.

We trade late-night talks for “Can you grab milk tomorrow?” We become functional, efficient and safe.
But desire doesn’t thrive in safety alone.

Desire needs risk, needs distance and return. It needs the freedom to want without being consumed by duty.

What kills desire?

• Over-identification with roles: “I’m just the parent / provider / partner” — and we forget to be lovers

• Lack of novelty: same conversations, same rhythm, same place

• Emotional fusion: we share everything. except space

• Unspoken resentment or mental load imbalance

• Neglecting the erotic self: that wild, playful, intuitive part of you that existed before the “we”

So how do we keep it alive?

• Reclaim space
  You don’t need to move out, but you need moments that are just yours. Go to that café alone. Spend time apart. Let the other miss you, because space invites desire back in.

• Reconnect with your erotic self
  This is not just about sex. It’s about play, aliveness and embodiment. Dance, breathe, touch. Let yourself be felt again, not just useful, not just needed.

• Create intentional rituals
  Schedule desire. Yes, really. It’s not boring, it’s committed. Light a candle. Lock the door. Let the world wait.

• Speak your longing
  Talk about what you miss. Not from blame, from truth. “Sometimes I miss how we used to look at each other” can open more than “We never have sex.”

• Flirt with each other again
  A glance, a message, a moment. It’s not about performance, it’s about remembering "we are still lovers".

Real love makes room for desire.

You don’t have to choose between security and passion. You just have to stop treating them as the same thing.

Love is the ground. Desire is the wind. And it’s in the dance between them that something truly alive can be born, again and again.

If this speaks to you…

This is part of the work we explore in my Mentorship The Journey of Us: reclaiming desire without abandoning care. Reconnecting with the erotic as a life force and learning how to love and want, side by side.

Explore more here: click here